Entry 016 | David Sedaris

Have you ever been so nervous to meet/ impress someone so much that you become a complete mute and cause awkwardness for yourself and the other party? Well, I have! Back when I was still at school at U of I, my sister and I went to go see David Sedaris* at a reading in Champaign. Not until we got there did we learn that we would get the opportunity to meet him face to face for a book signing! We eagerly got in line with our books to meet him (which now that I think of it, we must have had in our bags bc we assumed the possibility might arise). As we inched closer to the front of the line, Al and I became increasingly nervous about what we would say to him. What witty one liner would be clever enough to grab his attention, to propel our status from "fans" to "David's two new best friends?" This was our only chance, to make an impression and win him over! Suddenly the moment was upon us and we were face to face with the great David Sedaris.

My sister went first. They talked about Chicago and the weather and he wrote a nice little note on her front matter pages. Then his attention turned to me. And in a whirlwind, it unfolded something along the lines of," Yep... I'm the younger... study graphic design...my sister cleaned my dorm room before we got here...." and then intense staring at him. WhaT?!? Cleaned my room? Who cares??? All the while this nonsense was pouring from my mouth, I watched him start to draw a jack o'lantern in my book, something I saw him do in books of those who failed to please him or make any sort of connection. I wanted to say, "Wait! I love you, we have the same sense of humor, we could be frieeeeeeends!!" But alas, I had to scoot as he was already reaching out to shake the next loser's hand.

My sister was also not pleased with her own performance. Not being able to draw on her womanly wiles to pull in a gay man, she was also without a game plan and failed to make her mark. Disappointed, we slumped downstairs and seated our sorry asses down. We snapped at each other for no reason. Got irritated at the crowds for laughing too loud and too frequently and called them lemmings. And worst of all, we didn't enjoy the show.

*Being the first to author the definition of D. Sedaris, I should've thought to mention this at our meeting! But its too late now.

Amy Sedaris : Equally delightful